The 5 Love Languages Trailer

- Here's a great visual on The Five Love Languages from Gary Chapman's YouTube channel. Check it out, it may give you a better understanding on the ideas proposed in the book .

4. Social Exchange Theory

- The Social Exchange Theory is the idea that all relationships are based on a give and take scale which may not always be divided equally. Furthermore, in social exchange people look to maximize benefits and minimize the costs. Essentially when the risks of the relationship begin to outweigh the rewards, the relationship becomes unsatisfactory to one or both people involved. More specifically in an intimate relationship, this problem may exist because two people may be communicating in the wrong love languages. As explained by Gary Chapman, many people become frustrated in their relationship because they feel they are exhausting themselves for their spouse and receiving nothing in return. However as we saw with the many examples in the book that may not always be the case. Very rarely did we observe one person in the relationship doing nothing for the other, almost always they were being active in the relationship but it was not recognized by their spouse because they were not using the correct love language. When a couple communicates with the wrong love languages their love is essentially lost because it was not received and interpreted by their significant other. Hence the relation to the social exchange theory, if the love from one to the other is not felt within a relationship the give and take scale is thrown off. Therefore because of the lack of love received from their spouse the idea is reversed and they may feel maximized on costs while running low on the benefit of the relationship, which causes unsatisfaction and frustration with the other person.

3. How Can You Apply the Five Love Languages?

- The Five Love Languages are in fact informational, interesting, and tempting but some may wonder how can I apply these ideas to make my own relationship better? Well lucky Chapman has you covered with a few ideas that may answer your question. For starters, he suggests that you do some detective work in finding your partners love language as well as your own. Reminisce on a time when your spouse was very pleased with you, was it after you surprised her on your anniversary? How about the time when you told her mother how much of a good cook he was? If you know your spouse well enough you should begin to develop an idea of their primary love language. For example, lets say your wife's love language is receiving gifts. Now that you know her primary love language, lets start making plans to apply your knowledge to your relationship. Make a list of potential gift ideas that she may like. If finances are a concern, start with gift ideas that wont cost any money. For example, you can write her a love letter and put it in the mailbox or on her desk. If need be, ask someone close to your spouse like a sibling or best friend for better insight on gift ideas. Essentially come up with 5-10 ideas that you can commit to over the next couple of weeks. Its good to aim to include free gifts as well as purchased gifts for a better variety. More importantly, in catering to your spouse you must focus on the investment that you are putting into your relationship rather than just their personal desires. If used correctly and effectively you will see your spouse reciprocate emotional love to you in a love language that is more suitable for you.

2. Physical Touch

- Physical Touch is one of the most effective yet misinterpreted of the Five Love Languages. Many people especially Men confuse the idea of Physical Touch by relating mostly to sexual intercourse. As explained in context by Gary Chapman, physical touch can feature sexual intercourse but is not the only way to communicate love using this language. Physical touch can be described as a kiss, holding hands, giving a back rub, sexual intercourse, or simply just placing your hand or your spouses shoulder. Furthermore, Chapman explains the power of touch by giving insight to the fact that touch is the only one of the five senses that is not limited to one specific part of the body. You can touch or be touched with any part of your body which recognizes the feeling as either pleasure or pain. More importantly, Chapman suggests that all touches are not created equally basically saying that it is ultimately up to your spouse to accept or reject physical touch. Essentially you should not assume that all physical touch is enjoyable to your partner because they may not agree with your intentions.